March 18, 2018

Be a Yes Man

A new study shows that Yes Men live longer than their objectionable counterparts.

“Our study shows that Yes Men, on average, live more than 3 times longer than those who raise objections or instigate debate,” said Dr. Chester Shirecat, head researcher at the Happy Healthy Worker Institute, a subsidiary of HlavCo Intl. “Just as it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, it takes more energy to object than to simply say Yes.

“As science has proven, we all have a set supply of lifetime energy, much like a human battery. Raising objections and getting into heated debates only burns that human battery faster, taking more days off of your life faster than even smoking, which merely decays your body in a natural way. Tobacco has always come from the earth, but stress and being objectionable is a manmade invention.”

Changing peoples’ lifestyles from being negative No-ers to Yes Men will be a challenge, said Dr. Shirecat, because the No-ers suffer from a separate, but a related disease: a false sense of ego. “The non-Yes Men in our group had a much more difficult time letting go of ‘no’ because they were holding on to a false sense of right and wrong. They were constantly objecting in order to persuade the other party into doing the ‘right thing,’ but they never realized that the person they were debating with wasn’t listening.

“So, as the No-er, or the subordinate (to use a medical term), was making his case, the instigator of ideas was simply waiting to hear the word ‘yes’ or ‘good idea’ before moving on to the next topic. The Yes Men in our group recognized this method of selected hearing and simply responded with a quick ‘yes’ to move the conversation along, thus creating a happier, stress-free life for the Yes Man.”

As one might predict, the study showed the Yes Man was more apt to climb the corporate ladder faster than his No-er counterpart. “It’s not that the Yes Man is better or more intelligent than the No-er,” said Dr. Shirecat. “In fact, the opposite is usually true, but the Yes Man is much more efficient, which in the fast-moving, volume-centric business world, is more valuable than ideas and logic by a ratio of 3-to-1.

“As Richard Hlava, CEO of our parent company, says, ‘Logic is the roadblock of the business world*.’ Now more than ever we have the data to prove it.”

The study examined data over a period of 100 years in a wide variety of institutions from corporations and NGOs to less business-centric institutions such as marriage.

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